Little Eyes

Oh, Little eyes
I love you
and I be thinking of you
all the time, deep within my soul
although I may seem on a roll
forgive me
when I'm on a train
I'm praying
it won't be in vain
and I may leave you something special
no matter what happens to me
I want to take you to a tree
and hold you beneath the branches
if only, for just one time
we could look up at the sky
I love you much more than you know
forever
Little eyes

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Is it just a dream...

Will it ever be real
or is it just a dream?
i'm stuck in a machine
that is failing me
albeit not even that
being believed..

and could i make it all work better
if i only knew how
part of me wants to take a bow
and out
from trying

why did life seem to bring
all these challenges to me
when all i've ever wanted
is to simply be happy
oh was it just a dream
that my own song, i did sing
clad in glitter and feathers
and fitted jeans, and leather...

but i am breathing weak
and i am scared, to the brink
i feel that i may sink
'cause i don't have the answers why
and this public system, i cannot rely
i fear too much time will pass me by
before they see what I say is not a lie!

can i keep on swimming
in this ocean dark and deep
i cannot see a beacon
should i just go to sleep

but i feel, that if i sleep
i may never wake again
so i'm still reaching out with might
for the rainbow from the rain

oh, is it all a fantasy
and not really a destiny
i'm hanging on.. and we shall see
and I'll sing in my dreams
and I'll pray for moonbeams

to shine upon
and light the way
maybe until
the darkened days
cease
into a peace
at least, in some way

whatever way
I do not know
although I'll pray
and keep the faith
so that if I don't make it
I'm smiling
under a blanket

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I Only Have Room To Believe

This is about the psychiatrist who abused me in february 2013 (ie.“Breaking My Silence”) by blacklisting me in the system whence writing very serious, untrue things in my public file. This shut me out from getting any help or being believed by doctors, and caused me to have to defend myself while sick. I fought to receive my rightful diagnosis of a health condition which turns out to be more serious than fibromyalgia. Though my case was eventually proven, this had to happen in another country.

She broke me wide open

but I gotta get up

She tore up everything thing I stood for

yeah, she roughed me up

She looked me down

with her beady eyes

her grey-souled mind

said I'm made of lies

Because I express differently

and confidently

and though I was in distress...

she misconstrued my request

she made an awful mess

My heart then shattered into glass

shards, flying around me

and as I walked, they cut my soul

and then took such a wretched toll

For weeks and weeks and weeks

because she's in a seat

of power, in her hierarchy

I let her nearly kill me

But maybe; it’s meant to be

that I now stand up and fight

and no, not with strife

truth I live

in this life!

Refusing to sink, into the sand

but rather be heard, my heart by my words

revealing the truth, I must demand

That people know

how the neuro-different fare

at the hands

of current ignorance

In which is so endemic

and oppressive to We

am I to suffer

so that they see?

Can I be strong, entwined with plight

to seek justice, to make this right

for the sake of the divergent song

for the chorus of the neuro-different; wronged

are We, and We are everywhere

and We have much to give!

but We are afflicted; targeted

by the ways, in which this world lives...

Oh, dear Lord above; am I strong enough

to Banish lately cursed nights....

which only grossly weaken me

from rising with the right kind of fight

I must rise up; from this downward spiral

and make my message viral

pushing everything that hurts me; OFF...

I'm coming back home! ...after I mop

The blood that was spilt

now, my body; Be rebuilt

Oh; I love so much!

it's this a sociopath can't stand

and though I've been far from perfect

I've made tools that I must work with

I'll pray to The Universe; for clarity and strength

to mend from broken and weakened

to see past barriers that block the beacon

Though on the brink

I don't give up easily

yes, many attack the sensitive, the weak

adding insult to injury

But did she in fact wake up a beast?

that was sleeping

deep down inside of me

and now; can I be David?

can I slay the monster before me?

My reiki master told me

that it is meant to be …

And though I'm scared

deep down I believe

in miracles, in reprieve

The impossible can be achieved

there just is no more time to grieve

I only have room to Believe

I ONLY HAVE ROOM TO BELIEVE.

June 5th 2013

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This Tree

Feeling it all

as it flows through my veins

like acid rain

upon my soul

What is my roll

and how i came to be

so broken like this

crying under this tree

In my dreams, from above

yes, until there are doves..

she whispers her rhyme

and her leaves

shed in time

Till a barren trunk

stands amongst the cold

oh yes, there she stands

so still and so bold

While keeping her roots

solid in the ground

until she had found

the sunlight, shining

And though she's not pining

and now just standing still

and so I do ask

why is she not ill?

Even though they've cut down

and all her family...

“Take a leaf from this tree”

she whispers to me

“you keep this one leaf

for

you...

love me still

when you were a child

over we, you did grieve

our remaining stumps

were your tears, we received”

And this is one of my first memories

and maybe a message

of how to be freed

I'm hanging on dearly

amidst the cold breeze

I just want to please

but who; I'm asking...

Is it merely me

or can I simply be

and how can I too

be free

like this tree?

May 8th, 2013

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The Ground That Holds A Million Tears

Pieces of a memory

way down here

on the ground below

that holds a million tears

Shattered heart and soul

mended together still

but it takes a toll

holding together

with a pill

Managing to scrape

at the bottom of the barrel

even better standards still

cherry picking, like a hunt

Even though there are the runts

being pushed around

or, being pushed down

I don't know anymore

It's a game; to keep score

surviving with the petals

when problems are ignored

and pacified to settle

Boiling like a kettle

of secrets underneath

though hidden in a sheath

so hidden in a sheath..

April 23rd, 2013

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I Must Pace

Try… you do try

to grip my soul

and with a pole

hooking; on my shirt

I'm covered in dirt

and I am bewildered

like Virginia Woolf

walking into a lake

But I stop

and have a shake...

for my hypoglycemic metabolism

does cause me to bake

In shattered agony

because I am not free

and I am so belittled

and my head’s full of riddles

in which I try to solve

in which I must evolve

because I am evolved

but born prematurely

into this place

it’s not ready for me...

treating me like a disgrace

In time, it is paced

but, I am impatient

and I can't be a patient

of drugs, that’s right, Rx

though I may drink Vex

not sensible

but sadly pensive

and I am

blind

in the rain

And yes, I do blame

an overactive brain

so I’ll shut out everything

or ramble in a train of things

or think of all the names of things …

Blah blah blah blah blah

in space

this is not a race

I must pace.

April 18th, 2013

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Fight for Bliss

Money, money, money

makes the world go 'round

funny, funny, funny,

how it keeps us bound

Trapped at the bottom

screaming to get up

there is no hand reaching out

without an invoice; tough

Tough, they say, if there aint' nothing

in your pocket

keep on trucking

or does one even have a truck?

or is one twisted and stuck; in the muck

The muddy pool of dirt and grime

due to the slime-bags

of the time

they feel nothing

they feel nil

they don't care

if you have a chill

People walking barefoot

chattering teeth

underneath

in the underworld so deep

Can't get out

not without a dime

must figure out a rhyme

to build the dimes

Allocate, maybe

like a rubix cube

to get out of the hole somehow

to crawl out through the tube

Narrow and icky

like a sewer hole

it does take a toll

crawling through, weak and injured

Like a soldier in the trenches...

and there ain’t no benches

so why not ask the "vermin"?

they might tell you clever tricks

For it’s how they dodge their foes

and scavengers don't buy their mix

however, they don't steal it either

they're programmed to survive

to hold on; climbing higher and higher

They grab scraps

save dimes in a hard drive

Plan it out like a map

pack your backpack

for the ride

Like reverse entrapment

like solving a riddle

of the rigged, oppressive pyramid

for in which many are little

So pay with the dimes

collected with mass effort

and make it so rhyme

with things one can do for free

Somehow, amongst the abyss

and one day in time

we will no longer miss

out on a chance at bliss

April 18th, 2013

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