Little Eyes

Oh, Little eyes
I love you
and I be thinking of you
all the time, deep within my soul
although I may seem on a roll
forgive me
when I'm on a train
I'm praying
it won't be in vain
and I may leave you something special
no matter what happens to me
I want to take you to a tree
and hold you beneath the branches
if only, for just one time
we could look up at the sky
I love you much more than you know
forever
Little eyes

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Is it just a dream...

Will it ever be real
or is it just a dream?
i'm stuck in a machine
that is failing me
albeit not even that
being believed..

and could i make it all work better
if i only knew how
part of me wants to take a bow
and out
from trying

why did life seem to bring
all these challenges to me
when all i've ever wanted
is to simply be happy
oh was it just a dream
that my own song, i did sing
clad in glitter and feathers
and fitted jeans, and leather...

but i am breathing weak
and i am scared, to the brink
i feel that i may sink
'cause i don't have the answers why
and this public system, i cannot rely
i fear too much time will pass me by
before they see what I say is not a lie!

can i keep on swimming
in this ocean dark and deep
i cannot see a beacon
should i just go to sleep

but i feel, that if i sleep
i may never wake again
so i'm still reaching out with might
for the rainbow from the rain

oh, is it all a fantasy
and not really a destiny
i'm hanging on.. and we shall see
and I'll sing in my dreams
and I'll pray for moonbeams

to shine upon
and light the way
maybe until
the darkened days
cease
into a peace
at least, in some way

whatever way
I do not know
although I'll pray
and keep the faith
so that if I don't make it
I'm smiling
under a blanket

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I Only Have Room To Believe

This is about the psychiatrist who abused me in february 2013 (ie.“Breaking My Silence”) by blacklisting me in the system whence writing very serious, untrue things in my public file. This shut me out from getting any help or being believed by doctors, and caused me to have to defend myself while sick. I fought to receive my rightful diagnosis of a health condition which turns out to be more serious than fibromyalgia. Though my case was eventually proven, this had to happen in another country.

She broke me wide open

but I gotta get up

She tore up everything thing I stood for

yeah, she roughed me up

She looked me down

with her beady eyes

her grey-souled mind

said I'm made of lies

Because I express differently

and confidently

and though I was in distress...

she misconstrued my request

she made an awful mess

My heart then shattered into glass

shards, flying around me

and as I walked, they cut my soul

and then took such a wretched toll

For weeks and weeks and weeks

because she's in a seat

of power, in her hierarchy

I let her nearly kill me

But maybe; it’s meant to be

that I now stand up and fight

and no, not with strife

truth I live

in this life!

Refusing to sink, into the sand

but rather be heard, my heart by my words

revealing the truth, I must demand

That people know

how the neuro-different fare

at the hands

of current ignorance

In which is so endemic

and oppressive to We

am I to suffer

so that they see?

Can I be strong, entwined with plight

to seek justice, to make this right

for the sake of the divergent song

for the chorus of the neuro-different; wronged

are We, and We are everywhere

and We have much to give!

but We are afflicted; targeted

by the ways, in which this world lives...

Oh, dear Lord above; am I strong enough

to Banish lately cursed nights....

which only grossly weaken me

from rising with the right kind of fight

I must rise up; from this downward spiral

and make my message viral

pushing everything that hurts me; OFF...

I'm coming back home! ...after I mop

The blood that was spilt

now, my body; Be rebuilt

Oh; I love so much!

it's this a sociopath can't stand

and though I've been far from perfect

I've made tools that I must work with

I'll pray to The Universe; for clarity and strength

to mend from broken and weakened

to see past barriers that block the beacon

Though on the brink

I don't give up easily

yes, many attack the sensitive, the weak

adding insult to injury

But did she in fact wake up a beast?

that was sleeping

deep down inside of me

and now; can I be David?

can I slay the monster before me?

My reiki master told me

that it is meant to be …

And though I'm scared

deep down I believe

in miracles, in reprieve

The impossible can be achieved

there just is no more time to grieve

I only have room to Believe

I ONLY HAVE ROOM TO BELIEVE.

June 5th 2013

You can get all PDFs at http://www.girloutside.org/booksall/ (PDF layout is better honed than the blog format)