My Own Autistic Song

My vision is blurred

but my senses are heightened

I miss the point

but I see the rhyme

And there I could stand

like a deer in the headlights

wanting to run

or morph into a puppet

My body's sick, tired

and I still don't have wings

I'm longing to sing

but the pitch I must practice

I can't be graceful just because

I can look the part

that is only art...

though I'm tripping inside

on things I thought were understood

but now they're no good..

so I hide

no longer wanting

to get on the ride

Looking for the answers

on an endless continuum

where everything is related

in fluidity

It is such a pity

that only few can see it

and I don't understand

because

it's right before my eyes

Not lies!

All alone in a world

of flickering, moving images

with a touch of femininity

applied to my map

But the obvious; I'm daft

confused by the sounds

of dishonesty

underneath the masks

Spilling out words

running out from a script

which I understand, as only

"I could copy this if.."

and therefore, and so on

'til I'm drowning in thoughts

problem solving, connecting, building

all that energy to talk

I'd forgotten who i really was

amidst the expectations

more painful cause i like people

and do desire relation

But I can only do so much

before my brain becomes tired

how can I still reach out and touch

without the compromise?

I can't disguise who I am

anymore

but i want to open my door

is this possible to conceive?

when people won't believe

looking at me they see

something i have made to be

through learning and watching

I'm tired of playing scenes

I'm tired of living in dreams

Is there another way of going on?

yes!

it is like a song...

my own autistic song

July 7th, 2012

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