Tuesday, July 10, 2012

My Own Autistic Song

My vision is blurred
but my senses are heightened
I miss the point
but I see the rhyme

And there I could stand
like a deer in the headlights
wanting to run
or morph into a puppet

My body's sick, tired
and I still don't have wings
I'm longing to sing
but the pitch I must practice

I can't be graceful just because
I can look the part
that is only art...
though I'm tripping inside
on things I thought were understood
but now they're no good..
so I hide
no longer wanting
to get on the ride

Looking for the answers
on an endless continuum
where everything is related
in fluidity

It is such a pity
that only few can see it
and I don't understand
it's right before my eyes
Not lies!

All alone in a world
of flickering, moving images
with a touch of femininity
applied to my map

But the obvious; I'm daft
confused by the sounds
of dishonesty
underneath the masks

Spilling out words
running out from a script
which I understand, as only
"I could copy this if.."
and therefore, and so on
'til I'm drowning in thoughts
problem solving, connecting, building
all that energy to talk
I'd forgotten who i really was
amidst the expectations
more painful cause i like people
and do desire relation

But I can only do so much
before my brain becomes tired
how can I still reach out and touch
without the compromise?

I can't disguise who I am
but i want to open my door
is this possible to conceive?
when people won't believe
looking at me they see
something i have made to be
through learning and watching
I'm tired of playing scenes
I'm tired of living in dreams

Is there another way of going on?
it is like a song...
my own autistic song

July 7th, 2012

You can get all PDFs at http://www.girloutside.org/booksall/ (PDF layout is better honed than the blog format)

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