Saturday, January 14, 2012

loneliness...

loneliness...

Looking for something that doesn't exist
into the darkness, in the abyss

Searching for love that I once couldn't heed
wishing for someone to hold me and feed

Into the dreams of a forsaken child
out in the forest and out in the wild

Become the big cat with the will to survive
clawing, if you turned away from my eyes
to forsake me again
oh, what a friend
if you show me you care
and that I am there
but how can it be
unconditionally
when I've clawed, and I've hissed
in my sad, dark abyss,

If I left; would you miss
me? I want to be free
of this, of this
my heart just bleeds
with loneliness...

for you

for who?

and what?

oh, whom?

Something I have not been able to have because of the way I am; because I either don't hug at all, or squeeze you too tight... because I don't know what's right, or any better. Although I'm getting better.
It's hard to know how to "be" sometimes, when you have autism. You want to get close, but you don't know how...you try and it's too much, it may seem odd. You put the other off; end up feeling rejected, it feels personally heart wrenching. These days I hold back instead; walling up my naive heart. It's the better option; to put my heart into action and words instead. Today I love people, but I confess, from a bit of distance. There's so much I want to say; about Social Justice. About Autism and way beyond...'Cause one thing I know for sure is that I love humankind; and its potential for good. Despite my bad experiences; I know that much. I try to remember that.


January 14th, 2012

You can get all PDFs at http://www.girloutside.org/booksall/ (PDF layout is better honed than the blog format)

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Living For Destiny

I'm looking up into the sky
and calling the angels on high
to help me live for my one dream
though I am tortured from the beam

Of fluorescent light, burning my eyes
and all the bullies, pushing lies
while stepping over minds and hearts
while playing but a game of darts

As they push past in recognition
I shield; for I am on a mission
I go unseen, I go unheard
and though I paint, my pictures' blurred

By a fog in which great minds are lost
and quality of life is tossed
into a box, of gold and jewels
to be sold for profit, made a fool
is every man who bows in fear
of being hunted like a deer

So quiet, he can hide away
or agree to pull an elaborate sleigh
of gifts for children of the rich
so they can drape in gaudy kitsch
and divert on the TV screens
and hypnotize to keep their means

So lost is the meaning of life
and lost is purpose, in the strife
to stay standing and feed the brood
with nothing that is truly food
but manufactured lies called treats
rewards for what? another feat

Another jump through another hoop
those at the top; they have us duped
I go unseen, I go unheard
And in spite of wounds; I sing my word

I gather herbs, prayers, yarn, and string
I braid and weave; my fingers sting
but I won't stop 'til the blankets are done
for they'll be warm until the sun
of justice comes out, through the clouds

I'll keep singing through my pain; loud
once messages are heard
I can cease
I’ll leave a message, and go in peace..

'til then, here I stay
living each day
for destiny
in some way…

January 10th, 2012

You can get all PDFs at http://www.girloutside.org/booksall/ (PDF layout is better honed than the blog format)



Thursday, January 5, 2012

Why Do You Not Like To Sleep?;)

Why do you
not like to sleep
is it because
you'd count the sheep

That pass you by
over the fence
that you can't cross
if you won't jump

And so, you've
got a little bump
on your head
from a hoof

A little too close
you were, and then
not standing in line
going ‘round then bend

you want to frolic
perhaps to unwind
but they won't stop for you
they’re unkind

So walk away
don't let them cause you dread
stay just where you are
and count the stars instead

January 5th, 2012

You can get all PDFs at http://www.girloutside.org/booksall/ (PDF layout is better honed than the blog format)



Invisible Illness

Just because I look fine
doesn't mean that I'm not sick
and annoying as it seems, if I whine;
in pain; I can't be perfect

And though it's still hidden from your eyes
the clock does slowly tick
this is not a trick, it's real
I'm trying to remain stoic

I feel alone and powerless
in an invisible, systemic illness
I'm trying to remain positive
looking for hope, amongst an abyss

It's inhumane that accessibility
to cures, only comes if your rich
though knowing the truth makes it tough
the burning anger, I must resist
for it's nothing but poisonous …

And there's a way out
not the way I've, at times, thought about
but one where I'm here, on earth
living my life
in the arms of acceptance

And I don't mean to give up
allowing degeneration and pills
I mean to stand up
and do what I can

Living lifestyle changes
best for me;
to do what I love
until I am free...


January 5th, 2012

You can get all PDFs at http://www.girloutside.org/booksall/ (PDF layout is better honed than the blog format)

Monday, January 2, 2012

Modern Revolution

This is the time
to let go of
the precedents
that pollute our minds

We know not how
they've made us blind
to change, and truth
evolving so
we can move on
in spiritual flow

The Kids are coming
some in generation Y
have gone insane
but some survive
to guide and lead
our way out of old systems
as the hippies once did
we refuse to be victims

So that the babes of now
will take our lead
and we will grow
and we will feed
and reverse global warming
before it succeeds
our beautiful earth
let some of us bleed
for love and light
and unspoken truth
Let us not accept labels
and allegations we're "uncouth"
let us not accept prescriptions
to "control" our behaviours
let us not succumb to drugs, imbalance and misery
labeled as "mental illness"

Let us re-channel through art
writing, and innovative business

We demand to be seen, we demand to be heard!
for we won't be living dead

Solidarity between us
finding answers unsaid

You've kept so much from us
but look at us!
we'll write it, we'll sing it, in red

It's a Modern Revolution
But no violence; red be written...


January 2nd, 2012

You can get all PDFs at http://www.girloutside.org/booksall/ (PDF layout is better honed than the blog format)